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Dear Amy: I was very sad and embarrassed to learn that my ex-husband was involved in corporate crime during the time we were married.

One of the two cases and related court records and evidence reveal involvement in a complex scheme that resulted in the plaintiff company receiving a huge settlement.

I quietly left the marriage and took a job across the country to escape my ex-husband’s erratic behavior, irresponsibility, and terrible work ethic.

I had no idea he was committing crimes, in my house and under my nose; a common scenario, as I understand it now, when it comes to wives of white collar criminals.

There is currently a second corporate fraud case on file. I am aware that these crimes materially affected many people everywhere.

Now I’m wondering if I should keep quiet about my exit from the marriage, or take some proactive steps to share with those who were once in our common circle of friends and colleagues that I was not aware of and would never have tolerated such wrongdoing. and predatory acts.

From what I’m reading, divorce from a white collar criminal is often perceived as a means for the wife to protect her interests, while supporting her man.

For better or worse, I’m not that person, and I’m becoming increasingly uncomfortable that that might be the perception.

That I have to do?

– Amy in South Carolina

Dear Amy: Because this is so important to you, you must claim your own narrative, using your own words and writing the story you want others to know. But for now, do this just for yourself.

I do not believe it is prudent to make public any details about your ex-husband’s crimes until these crimes are fully resolved through the courts and you receive current and competent legal advice directed only to you.

The last thing you want to do is accidentally trap yourself or get involved in any way in the situation you’re trying to stay away from.

Your real friends know you and understand your situation. The people in your old circle who may have “insights” about your divorce? Didn’t you leave these perceptions behind when you left your previous life behind? Because the fact is that you left the marriage to protect your own interests. And… good for you.

Dear Amy: My godson is getting married soon, and since he and his fiancée live in a small apartment, they aren’t on any bridal registry.

However, on their wedding website, they suggest that if guests want to make a donation to honor their wedding, give their gift to a local clinic that performs abortions.

I don’t condemn your choice to be pro-abortion, but putting that on your wedding invitation is beyond my belief.

I will not donate to an abortion clinic (my choice).

I was planning on giving them a wedding check and I would be upset if I went to an abortion clinic.

That I have to do?

– Wedding dilemma

Dear Dilemma: Many couples suggest causes for their wedding guests to donate in their honor. Clinics that offer abortion services also offer many other important reproductive health services to women.

If you don’t condemn this couple’s stance on abortion, then you surely wouldn’t condemn their decision to donate their own money to support a clinic.

And if you give them money for their wedding gift, this money will no longer be your money, but their money, to be spent however they choose.

Instead of cash, you could give them your Aunt Bertha’s old gravy boat, but they could then sell it and donate the profits.

What I mean is that you have no right to control where the gift you give them lands.

A gift card to a local restaurant or establishment that aligns with your interests (other than abortion services) might make you feel better.

Dear Amy: “Modern Greta Garbo” expressed a desire to spend weeks alone, away from her husband.

Your response was terrible!

Marriage is about being together. Do I sometimes want to be away from my husband for four decades? Of course! But we are married.

You didn’t even take into account her husband’s wishes.

– Upset

Dear Annoyed: My response offered several ways for her and her husband to resolve this, so of course she needs to discuss this with him and take his wishes into account.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

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