Reader who sought gray divorce shares experience – Chicago Tribune| Trending Viral hub

Dear Amy: My good friend from college, “Clara,” is getting married next month.

Clara has several bridesmaids. We are all quite united.

“Sara”, another bridesmaid, has an older sister, “Anne”, and a younger brother, “Brett”.

In our college days, Clara, Sara and I occasionally socialized with Anne. We consider her a friend of hers.

Brett was the little brother. We consider him an acquaintance.

Anne was invited to the wedding with a companion, but responded “no” as she cannot attend.

Meanwhile, Brett made comments expressing his desire to attend the wedding.

To be clear, Brett was NEVER invited.

Now, Brett apparently took advantage of his older sister Anne’s rejected invitation, accessing the wedding venue and RSVPing for himself and a date.

I am in shock for Clara, who has been meticulously planning this wedding for two years! She is sweet, kind and non-confrontational. And now she faces this incredibly uncomfortable dilemma.

Allowing Brett to help himself and a date to the wedding is out of the question.

My question is, who is in charge of scolding him? Clara, since she is in charge of the guest list? Sara, who has already spoken to her brother, but probably doesn’t know that he came to confirm her attendance.

Thanks to the three of us, do I have the slightest problem with confrontation?

Please weigh! I need to know the most appropriate way to tell off this wedding crasher.

– The executor?

Dear Enforcer: Finalizing the guest list is the bride’s job. Keeping an eye on her younger brother is “Sara’s” job. Enforcement could be your job and I’ll do the rest.

I think the best way to approach this would be to react as if “Brett” is trolling and has designated himself as Vince Vaughn’s character in this particular movie.

The bride should review the online RSVP list, and if “Anne” answered No but answered “yes” online, she should confirm with Anne that she will not be at the wedding and ask if her brother may have filled out the list. . her confirmation of attendance.

If she confirms that Brett has done this, the bride must let Sara know (Sara is Brett’s other sister, who is also a bridesmaid) and confirm that Brett has not been invited to the wedding.

It might be helpful to help the bride craft a simple message to Brett that is direct, polite, and firm. I suggest something like: “Hi Brett, I understand you’ve invited yourself and a guest to my wedding! I guess you’re just trying to prank us (haha!), but if you’re serious, I must remind you that anyone not invited will be asked to leave before the ceremony.”

You and one of the groom’s ushers should volunteer to keep an eye out for this uninvited guest and quietly escort him if he appears.

Dear Amy: Lately you have published several letters from women who have been married for a long time but are so unhappy that they are considering leaving the marriage.

I was 70 years old and had been married for 48 years when my husband and I separated. At my insistence, we went to see a couples counselor. When it became clear that my husband was not interested in saving the marriage, we separated. We had been married for over 52 years when we finally divorced in 2019.

I stayed in that marriage because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to survive financially on my own, but I did. I have learned a lot since the divorce and I don’t regret my decision for a second.

This is not the solution for everyone, and I am not advocating separation or divorce, but I would like to encourage any woman who is miserable in her marriage to find a way to improve it. If that doesn’t work, remember that you can be stronger than you think.

– Been there

Dear Been There: You are part of a growing trend known as “gray divorce.”

Getting divorced at your age has many serious consequences, but I agree that most of us are stronger than we think.

Dear Amy: “Hanging Up” was an old grump who felt his stepdaughter’s frequent video calls were intrusive. You agreed with him! Your advice was terrible. He obviously feels no connection to this family.

– Upset

Dear Annoyed: I made several suggestions about how the older couple could help the distant daughter overcome her loneliness, including the idea that he should initiate some calls to her.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

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