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When you are single As an adult, people start talking. More specifically, they begin to ask questions; The older you get, the more strangers and friends feel entitled to ask, “Why are you (still) single?”
Now, the ideal is that we progress as a society to the point where being single is perfectly acceptable and this question is not inherently uncomfortable, but we are not there yet and should probably focus on climate change and those things first. In the meantime, here are some genuine answers you can offer to the question of why you’re single, whether you want to make light small talk or just shut it down and move on.
1. What do you mean by that?
Try not to make this response too defensive (guilty), but it’s worth clarifying. ask someone because Being single can often seem like a compliment to the person asking. It’s a way of expressing that they think you’re great and that they think this is so obvious that you would have a devoted romantic partner who feels the same way.
But sometimes they say it out of the corner of their eye and with the implication that you’re failing, and they can keep that energy to themselves. Even if they didn’t say it that way, the question may arise from deep-rooted values that link a person’s worth and stability to their relationship status, and we are better than that!
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2. That’s personal
If you’re feeling a little testy, you can close this conversation with a clipped delivery of the p-word above. We recommend Vice President Kamala Harris Debate Vibes for maximum effectiveness (blind them with your smile, repeat the phrase until you assimilate it). The only downside to this answer is the inevitable consequences: whoever you’re talking to willpower Let others know that you are inaccessible or hiding a very dark secret.
3. That is not a priority for me currently.
This one is honestly airtight. People have and need different things at different times. Sometimes you want to focus on your career, your friends, or your mental health, and mixing a relationship with all of that is a difficult task! This will also turn the conversation toward your real priorities, which you might feel more comfortable talking about in depth.
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4. I’m not interested in anyone right now
This is a completely legitimate explanation for not being in a relationship which makes any further questions moot because it will involve asking you to go out with someone you don’t like. Approve! That brings to light that you have to find someone you like, but maybe we don’t need to go into all the details. Perhaps his interlocutor will offer him suggestions, which won’t hurt. That person over there? Sure why not.
5. Is there anything wrong with being single?
Again, notice the tone in this question, but it’s a valid question. The only correct answer is “No,” and if the person says “Yes,” you can call them in that exchange and head to the bar.
If they answer correctly, you can have a compelling discussion. There’s nothing wrong with being single, so why do we feel the need to ask people these questions and insist that they pair up? What are the things you like about being single versus being in a relationship? Did the person you’re talking to have bad experiences being single?
6. Well…
If you feel weird, answer the question directly! I’m single because I’m getting over a serious relationship. Because I have commitment issues. Because have a date It terrifies me. Because I clean nice but I have a nightmare personality! These are non-specific examples that have entirely to do with you and definitely not the author.
7. Because I want to be
A succinct summary of many of the points above, “Because I want to be,” is a charming way of brushing off this question as if it were about something as benign as your drink preference (do you realize I’m imagining all of this happening nearby? of an open table? bar?). It is equal parts empowering and mysterious. However, “Because I want to be” is just a few words away from “Because I said so” and will probably lead to more questions because it doesn’t seem like much of an explanation. In that case, return to any of these other answers. Choose your own adventure!
“Because I want to be” is a charming way to ignore this question.
8. “Still?”
If the question is “Why are you single?” or “How are you single?” If they throw an “alembic”, it’s knives, honey. “Yet” suggests that there is a timeline for this, and we know that for most people, society has made sure there is. “Still” contains undertones of “You should be married by now” and “What’s taking you so long?” and those are questions and comments that we will not answer as politely as this one.
If there’s a “yet,” you’re allowed to raise your eyebrows to your hairline and scurry offstage to the left. If there’s a “yet,” crack those knuckles and tell Auntie everything that’s wrong with society insisting that young people “calm down” before they’re good and ready. “Still” is a fighting word, and a fight is exactly what you get.
9. I simply am
Listen, you’re not a sorcerer and neither is the person asking you this. You can’t always control whether you’re single or not, any more than you can control whether the sky is cloudy today or James Cameron’s insistence that he’s earning more. Avatar films. Some things just happen. This can inadvertently lead to a group discussion about your many dating strengths (hell yeah), or, at worst, a prolonged warning about everything you’re doing wrong that led you to stay single. Did we mention the bar?
This article was first published in 2020 and republished in 2023.
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